Surgery day! Second stage of my reconstruction. It's a huge milestone, marking the end of this portion of my cancer journey. (Just the active treatment portion--the journey as a whole is lifelong.)
This surgery experience was very different from my mastectomy. That first one was a much more intense surgery, with much more intense emotions. It was the middle of my journey, with more active treatment ahead. Relief to have the surgery done, but anxiety about the pathology results and the radiation about to begin. This time I feel like I've already been to hell and back, so this surgery seems like nothing to worry about.
It's been a long road, and I have recently felt a new sensation developing: connection. Connection with those who have experienced the grief that accompanies certain traumatic experiences. From surviving it and coming out the other side, but not as the same person. I experienced a more acute, debilitating grief early on after my cancer diagnosis. It is now transforming into something different, less intense. It is the subconscious sense of loss, the reflection on how I have changed, coming to terms with a new way of being. But also an appreciation for who I've become, and what I've learned along the way. It's a feeling of connection to others who have experienced medical trauma, loss, or other difficult life-changing events. A need to let them know I've got their back.
I expect to have less health updates now. From here on out, this blog will be more personal musings on whatever related topic is on my mind. It might be a reflection, or it might be educational to raise awareness and understanding. It will not be on a regular schedule, but I hope you'll stick around.
Peace, love, and math ☮️💜👩🏫
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