Reflecting on my Current Normal

My husband and I just celebrated our 24^th wedding anniversary. We had dinner a week early because our actual anniversary was right after chemo and we knew I’d feel crummy. I don’t know what my “new normal” will look like post-cancer, but this is my “current normal.” I reflected on all the bizarre things like this that now feel normal. Calmly discussing the fact that I have cancer. Having a large piece of plastic protruding under my skin (my port). Sitting in a chemo ward with a poison IV drip. Not recognizing myself in the mirror due to the weight and hair loss. It’s surreal that these things are no longer surreal.

I’m trying to live life as close to normally as possible, but much is different. My calendar has to be planned around chemo weeks. I need to know where the closest bathroom is at all times. I sleep A LOT. And when I’m awake, I feel like all I do is EAT. At one point in my life this would have brought me great joy, but alas, no longer. Because of the chemo nausea, I can’t eat much more than a snack at one time. But it’s also really important for me to get enough fluids, calories, and nutrients each day. So every hour or two, I’m either eating something or drinking Ensure. When you eat that many times in a day, the options get a bit tiring. And the chemo has altered my taste, so some things that used be favorites now taste like roasted armpit. It really makes eating a chore.

Enter…smoothies! Who knew such a simple thing would be such a huge relief? A friend and fellow survivor has been suggesting I try them, and I FINALLY rounded up some ingredients. It has been a life saver. They go down easy, are filled with nutrients, and bring variety to my diet. Holy cow, I’m a new woman.

So apparently my current normal is a life filled with eating, sleeping, and trying to manage the nausea so I don’t end up needing IV fluids. Oh, and getting REALLY excited about smoothies.