I'm sitting here moping tonight, over our third cancelled spring break in a row. Two for Covid, and one for...cancer?!?!? I saw that one coming about as much as I predicted a global pandemic.
This year was supposed to be the glorious comeback. Our spring break tradition is going to a waterpark. Lake Geneva is our traditional location--waterpark and Sprecher, the perfect combination. But this year we were planning a big trip to Hershey, PA, and the waterpark at Hershey Lodge. Big cross-country family trip.
Then...cancer. Such an asshole.
So, I sit here feeling crappy after chemo (yes, still after 7 days), and jealous as I see everyone else's beautiful spring break photos. (No, you absolutely shouldn't feel guilty about posting them--if I've learned anything, it's that you need to live that life!!!)
But on the flip side, this week has been full of love and generosity from my family and friends. My sister staying with me over the weekend and doing just about everything. My kids tucking me in with kisses as I rest on the couch. A spouse who then whisks the kids off somewhere so I can sleep. Grandparents taking the kids while they're out of school. Friends bringing me dinner, beautiful flowers, even books to explain cancer to my kids. Neighbors showing up with baked goods and prayers. My Girl Scout family rallying around me. So many things to be grateful for.
I think these feelings can all live alongside each other. I don't have to deny my sadness to feel gratitude. Sometimes the greeting card companies make you think you should feel nothing but infinite optimism. But who WOULDN'T feel sad? It's F'ing cancer! No one invited it along. It just busted in and ruined all our plans. I'm allowed to feel angry, and sad, and scared. And that doesn't mean I'm not also grateful for my amazing support team.
So, this year it's Hershey's Kisses instead of Hershey, PA. And I'm sad. But grateful. I do have some cute people to eat them with.
Dear Erin, I was in Iowa for six weeks caring for my elderly parents when Kevin texted me to tell me that you have cancer. So many thoughts and emotions went rushing through my mind and my heart. I immediately started to pray for you. I am home briefly; however, I have to return to Iowa because my Mom is 85 and possibly facing open heart surgery and will need my care as she recovers. I will keep you close in my thoughts and continued prayers as you meet cancer head on and fight with everything you've got for yourself and for your beautiful family.
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing your experiences and feelings. As I read them I am moved by how strong and vulnerable you are at the same time. It helps me to know how to pray for you. With love, Deb